I need to tell you something..

So I lay here

close to the wall

and hear the birds call

for the death has been coming near

There is a secret

I haven't told them

I can't let them worry

And I can't let them see

I smile at the laughs

Pretending they won't be the last

And getting ready

to hang my wrists

Yet all truths

have an end

And its done

to play pretend

I need to tell you all something

I'm dying

Letters.

I put my love in the letters I sent you.

The words, they are not shallow.

But, just don't look too deep into them

For you might drown.

Don't try to read between the lines

For you may get trapped

Struck between the metaphors

Dancing in those threads.

Look at them

But look passionately

With those small, starry eyes

Look at them

And know, they are the windows to my heart.

Look at them

And reach for the stars

The sky lit up

I'll be smiling and all.

Lonely the night will get,

The letters will be on guard.

Keep those letters forever,

And know, they are the windows to my heart.

Reflections.

There are times

When I want to sing 

Your name and mine

tangled in the same tune

dancing with the syllables

All the notes and nothings

Around  and around

Into the evening hours

There are times

When I have cried

Familiar faces 

Going away from being mine

Childhood ens far too early

So many nights forgotten

Sunday morning smile

prayers for the wrongs I committed

In the prior hours

There are times 

when I reflected on the memories

October took a piece of me 

everything was full of life

We never even wondered

About what would become of us

In the sunrise that followed.

FOREVER

I'm afraid of losing you forever

So I stay quiet

and shut my mouth

get on with things

but maybe it'd be better

if the words were said 

questions asked

feelings felt and dealt with

so that, even if I lose you

At least I'll know I tried 

I'm afraid of losing you forever

but night will turn to day

frost will melt away

and I'll learn to stop loving you

and I'll learn how to see 

my own reflection in the glass 

instead of your footprints

smudged across the surface

I'll learn to bask in sunlight

and read books by ponds 

and watch the sun sink 

behind orange clouds

and I'll do it all alone

and I'll be okay with that

I'm afraid of losing you forever

but even more so,

I'm afraid of losing myself

to a love that maybe 

isn't worth fighting for

I'm afraid of losing me forever. 

As I lay..

As I lay on the roof 

and watch the sky

I saw you 

take the leap then fly

As time passed by

you start to regret

That you took the jump 

that'll lead to your death

As you fall down

I rushed only to see

Nothing but sadness 

as your teardrops fall free

I know this'll cause 

my greatest heartbreak

But I let you fall down 

I'll be forever awake

As you neared the ground 

your fall was cut abrupt

You were surprised to see me 

as I lift you up

But as we rise 

you start to move astray

Now, I didn't even realize 

that you've already flown away

As I lay on the roof 

and watch the stars

My thoughts had already 

wandered off too far

As I close my eyes 

and clear my mind

I slowly accept 

that you can never be mine

An anticipation..

Bound by dignity

I look for greatness

In contribution's sake,

I'm a leech.

Lazy and in love with comfort,

I like things simple

Anything outside of now,

is a pretty dream.

Conditioned to exist,

I'm a greedy man.

Waiting not working

there is never time.

And without inspiration

I'll lay back down.

All my attention, gone

to unavailable realities

Heartache.

Feelings passed and hours have gone.

Distracted by these demons

of right and wrong

of fright and fear

anxiety now at its prime

I'd wince and whine

Or count the hours to the time I'd die.

Alone I feel, within this space

Slicing my arms in disgrace

Her face still stuck in my mind

Her eyes

Her hair

Her lips 

which I find so tempting.

But I am only wasting my breath

Shaking hands with ideas of death

Hoping this pathetic pain will subside

Till then this heartache is by my side.

P.S.  I LOVE HER

Ohh, you..

No one seems to understand,

Why I'm so attached to you.

Why I love you so very much.

Hell, I don't even know if I understand myself.

Maybe it's the way you make me feel.

The way you make me smile,

even when you are not around.

The way you always try to help,

when I'm down.

I just wish, my family and friends

would see you the way I do.

Because in my eyes,

you are beautiful.

Every flaw, every mistake,

everything about you,

makes you who you are.

And that is beautiful to me.

I have loved you from the very beginning,

And I'm afraid my heart will never give you up.

Or maybe I don't want to give you up,

Because I see something in you,

that I have never seen in anyone else, before.

I don't care if the world disagrees with me and you.

From the start it was meant to be true.

And you are the only one I love

and the only one I want to be with.

I will hold onto you,

no matter how many people try to tear us apart.

You will forever have my heart.

Life can be....!!!

Our mind can feel everything

If we can feel the beauty of roses once

It can make some meaningful words

Even can create a few metaphors of a poem

We write all through our life

it can be grown as words of war

even can be born as a piece of peace

or can be grown both,

war and peace

It can be made a pain or gain

or it can be seemed as a stream

that can bring a grain of sand.

Life can make a song

It can be made a song of joy 

Sometimes it may be a coy

Even it can make a rhythmic tone

that can't always be a romantic one.

Life can find the love

or can gather a loss

Sometimes it can earn the both.

Life can be moved long like a novel

Even life can be too short or tragic

As the life of a poet.

Life looks like a novel 

It's growing as well

with both lost and found

Of so many stir of dreams

Our mind is an endless paper

feelings are as ink

times are as the pen 

everybody is a novelist

begins writing when he's born

and finishes before his death

Life is a learning

a continuous earning.

Of wisdom

Of experiences.

Love reigns..

Loves reigns pull tightly on the collar of my affection

As if my choice of movement is stillness that leads with no direction

Mountains set a forth in the honor of my aggression

I wanted to invite her soul

But didn't think I could re-earn her presence

I traveled through our valley of highs

While my heart burned with flames and her scent delivered from the smoke

Toxic inhalation  

but a heavenly sensation

That provoked memories where my choices had never been mistaken

I wasn't born in perfection

But rather a prideful haven

So my ego interferes

When I know I should be saving

Us, or her.. well really me.

I can't have love in my life unless she meets me at the mountain's peak.

My universe.

Some girls were stars,

But she was the universe

I wanted my hand in hers.

Her smile was the one

whom I craved for 

Her enchanting face was the one

whom I was looking for

Her glow was that of comets

And her heart was the sun

Her light you could never outrun.

The big bang occurred in my heart

And instead of galaxies there was love

Through the universe my heart was shoved.

She was light-years of work

I couldn't stop thinking of her face

But what remains in my head is space.

Mistake.

Weeks have passed and I have moved on

Those feelings that I had were gone

But here I am to tell you

"It was a mistake to lean on you"

Those times, yes I do miss

Those times before all of these

And here I am to let you see

"It was my mistake to be deceived"

I remember the times of laughter

I remembered the smile where I was mesmerized

But it was too late when I realized

"It was a mistake to believe in happily ever after"

I might have stayed with you

I might have still loved you

But then you set me free

"It was a mistake to hurt me"

Now, you suffer the way I suffered 

You were truly the one I loved

Now, I'm just here to let you know

"It was a mistake to let me go"

May be...!!!

May be she won't cry today,

And maybe he won't lie today,

And maybe life goes on today,

But maybe I'll be wrong today.

Maybe I'll be strong today,

And maybe tears won't fall today,

But maybe  he'll break down today,

Because maybe she won't die today.

Maybe things get better today,

And maybe I'll write the letter today,

And maybe I'll sign my name in ink,

But maybe that's a permanent link.

Maybe that's too much for me,

Maybe 'attached ' is something I don't wanna be,

And maybe it'd be painful to watch,

Over the years, Death's painful march.

And maybe she'll go down today,

And maybe things won't be okay,

And maybe he'll give up and say,

That maybe he'll just run away.

But maybe I'll just cry today,

Maybe that's a better way.

Maybe that's my job today,

Maybe I'll just try to be okay.

Because may it's important to grieve,

And maybe it's okay to leave,

A little room to be left for me,

A little time to simply breath.

Maybe I should put myself first,

And maybe it wouldn't be the worst,

To maybe just take care of me,

Instead of being the one in lead.

An ode to you...

You caught me in a web from the first day we met.

I knew I wanted to know you more

Although unsure of what more meant.

Intrigued by your quirky sense of humor,

Soft caring eyes I could swim in for days.

That smile melted my heart and swept me away.

I feel safe when I'm with you as though I'm finally home.

Your little imperfections are what make you beautiful,

I'll promise to never mould or change you.

This is a little piece of me.

To show what you mean to me

I gave you my heart and its key.

Written pages of my life..

My heart is the book.

My conscience is the author.

My childhood is the prologue.

My growing phase is the pages with the most lessons.

My ideas are the metaphoric words.

My successes are the exciting paragraphs.

My challenges are the hair rising lines.

My teenage life of naiveness is all the questions of the story.

And my adulthood answers it all, maybe some.

The last chapter defines what is right and wrong in my life.

The time before my passing is the page that holds you from continuing

to finish, to accept that it won't last.

And it ends

and you flip the last blank page.

Thereafter, only God knows what happens to the story, to me.

I celebrate who I am..

I am a special person.

I was created with love.

I do not need to look like

or act like anyone else.

I am beautiful, just the way I am.

I love everything about me coz

God loves me just the way I am. 

I love who I am n I am enough.

I will not let other people make 

me feel bad about myself.

 I am loved by God, 

by my family and my friends.

I love God, 

my family n 

my friends.

I will sing,

I will laugh n

I will dance.

I will have fun coz 

I celebrate who I am.

There is no echo..

There is no echo

In the realms of hell

There is no soul

Hidden in an empty shell

There is no hope

For those seen unworthy

There is no scope

When you are unearthly

There are no dreams

When the nightmares call

There are no screams

Whenever you will fall

There is no echo

In the realms of hell

There is only the show

And no one to tell.

Winter..

I stand sadly by my window

Watching as winter once again

Claims all that surrounds me

I once loved this season

Of icy snow n shivering hands

and fires to keep me warm

But now I dread stepping outside

For I know I will never again

See your footprints next to mine..

She..

She is so beautiful

Long black hairs

eyes made by the stars

truely a majestic being

of course she has flaw

a limp when she walks

small weakening bones

A voice that lacks nothing at all.

It hurts me

To watch her hurt

watching everyday

death approaching slowly.

I thought I understood it

But I didn't.

Would she hear me screaming,

If I called her name?

Would she hold me falling,

If she knew my pain?

As it is...!!!

I want you like one

who only sees sun

through one window

well known in

the darkness alone

I yearn for you like

grass for morning dew

the sun for the moon

with the rising tide and

nighttime gloom

Your perfume drives me mad,

it drives me forward

towards the steep cliff

of self destruction

But there are such pretty

flowers down there

among the rocks

The way you talk

makes me feel alone

my desires still unknown to you

but my pain and time

are but sorry gifts

distractions from my short comings

How do you feel knowing I suffer for you?

How would you react to

knowing I die a little

when you smile?

the world around gets

drained of grandeur

with your beauty

so imposed and

thrilling to endure.

Your scent makes me mad,

its peppered with my own loneliness

Far more intense than a need

I want that perilous leap, though

I'm not a superman but

mistakes laid in heaps

at your feet.

Allow me home,

that fleeting feeling of it.

Shelter from the storm

that rages as time

wears a thin sin 

now left drably within

I will find your center,

with it my own,

in flesh and bone

I shall crumble

I am humbled

I am what you see

now before you.

Praying for a miracle..

Her adorable curiosity

Heartfelt sincerity

Rare honesty

Her heart's purity

Bring them back to me..

Her comforting words

The kind I've never heard

Seductive and mellifluous voice

Her contentment with me as her choice.

Bring them back to me..

Her arousing fantasies

Romantic gestures

Perfect heartache remedies

Keeping me safe with a mysterious vesture.

Bring them back to me..

The warmth of her skin

Soft whispers in my ears

Infectious wide grin

Her undying trust, gathering my tears.

Bring them back to me..

I'm not ready for another chapter

It's miserably unbearable

I know you are there, so please answer

My prayer for a miracle..

Just Fall..!!!

Fall in love with me.

I can't promise that I'll catch you

But the days we spend together

Will make it worth the fight.

Fall in love with me.

Be the first to discover me

Get me to open up

Know all my fears

And the songs stuck in my head.

Fall in love with me.

Tell me I look good

Even when I look like a mess

And make me feel

Like no one ever has before

Fall in love with me.

And please.

Make me fall in love

with you too..

Once again.. 

I wish...

I wish 

I could tell you 

how perfect you are to me.

I don't want a single day 

to be with u

And then 

forget about u.

I want to lie under the sky 

with you

and 

hold you close.

I want to make wishes 

on shooting stars.

I want to spend 

most of my time 

just being with you.

But I'm scared 

I don't know you

and 

You don't know me.

What will happen 

when you'll realize

I'm crazy.

Wot will happen

when u'll realize 

The first day I met you

I swore u were perfect.

Wot will happen

when u'll find out

I think about u all the time.

and gets hurt 

when you walk away from being mine.

I want to say all this to you..

But I know I'm going to delete this

And pretend 

it was never written.

I'll tell myself to keep it in.

To not fall in love, again.

To stop 

coz it'll probably never start.

But 

wot would happen 

If I'll send this to you?

I wish I had the guts to find out..

Do it yourself...!!!

There's nothing beautifully

tragic about wanting to slit

your wrist open and down

in your own blood

there's no one to wipe away

your tears and sing you a lullaby 

while you fall asleep in their arms

there's not going to be some

sort of miracle person that

will burst into your life and

take away all the tragedy and pain

you have to do it yourself

you have to pick yourself up 

brush off your knees and 

save yourself..