I feel love..

I feel life

I feel love

Like I never have before

The sun on the mountain tops 

melting through the ice

I look into your eyes 

and see an ocean

of blue and green light

I never knew those words 

could do so much

Its like a breath of fresh air

like a taste of freedom

that I've never had before

I gaze into the sky

the moon shining right back

the light from the stars 

waiting for you and me

And I feel 

Love

Its magical

Its magical 

how the blue turns to pink to an orange in the sky

Its magical 

how your thoughts make me shiver me every time

Its magical

how colourful dreams only come during the night

Its magical 

how your whispers sound like music in my mind

Its magical

how the stars send us light every night

Its magical 

how you looked into my eyes for the first time

Its magical 

how the ocean kisses the earth and kisses the sky

Its magical 

how you took my heart and lifted my soul up too high

Its magical 

how the sand looks like gold in the light

Its magical

how your love changed me and my life

Its magical 

how the orange turns to pink turns to blue in the sky.

Love - A necessity

Everyone deserves a person

that makes them want to write poems 

about the way they feel 

despite illiteracy.

Everyone deserves a person 

that makes them want to sing to the heavens

about their wonderful voice 

as tone deaf as they may be.

Everyone deserves a person 

that makes them want to fill canvases

with the colors of their beautiful body 

despite being colourblind.

Everyone deserves a person 

that makes them want to dance 

despite the self diagnosis 

of two left feet.

Everyone deserves their person.

Everyone deserves a person 

that defines falling in love before falling

despite knowing where you're going to land .

Everyone deserves their soulmate

who can pick them up when they fall.

I need mine.

Rain..

Grey winters 

mask the sky

jaws of winter 

bite into my skin

warm leather seats

embrace me

Melancholy rain

splashes on the bonnet

kissing and caressing

a river of God himself

some people

feel the rain

and others

others

they just get wet.

Choose me..

Take your time

please don't rush

sleep on it

if you must

don't decide

based on lust

because if you do

I'll be crushed

So take your time

and please don't rush.

I need to know

that you stopped

and put in

some decent thought

listed the pros

and the cons

weighed the rights

and the wrongs.

Give this decision

thought and time

even if you don't

change your mind

you hold my life

in your hands

all my dreams

all my plans.

Take your time

please don't rush

sleep on it

if you must

don't decide

based on lust

because if you do

I'll be crushed

So take your time

and please don't rush.

Smile.

Go ahead

Make it look 

like everything's okay

When you know its not.

Go ahead

put that fake smile on

so people don't see 

the tears behind your eyes.

Go ahead

fake that laugh

so no one can hear you

crying for help.

Go ahead

act all tough

so no one can see you crumble.

Go ahead and smile.

Don't forget..

Remember

don't forget it

the world isn't going to remind you

cause the world isn't always nice

so you'll have to remember when you wake up

to remind yourself

to be strong

Be strong

in this world

this unforgiving world.

Don;t let it get it to you

whatever it is

you are beautiful

you are amazing

Even if this unforgiving world

we live in today

disagrees

Do what you love

even when they stare

and laugh

Love yourself

cause the world won't remind you

so be strong and remind yourself.

The heart beats itself to death..

If you still care 

don't ever let me know

if you forgive me 

for breaking your heart

and for leaving you behind

in that shitty place

of addicts and death

don't ever let me know.

I'll come to speak

during the bitterest time of your life

and if you see me

don't say hello.

I'll never forgive myself

I'll never let you know

I'll always love you

I'll never let you know

I'll never let you know

Change needed..

A life they see

through their eyes

butterflies they see

fly in peace.

Their own lives not at peace

branded with whips

cut with knives

treated worse than animals.

Food so cold

so raw

tasteless and sickening

Have you ever dreamt of such a life?

Think about the other million

those who do not survive

no food 

no shelter

no pain

Pray for the lot 

and bring about a change

He died again..

They say we only live once

but we can die 

several times in a lifetime

he believes it now.

Where did I go wrong? He asked.

he thought everything was alright

he thought they were the perfect lovers

"but how could you do that to me?", he asked

He thinks he's too complacent

He never doubted her

not even a tiny bit

coz he's so in love with her.

He trusted her with all his heart

with all his soul 

with everything he's got 

"but why did you chose to lie?", he asked

She broke his heart into tiny pieces

He doesn't know if it will ever be whole again

but you know what's funny?

He doesn't hate her.

He hates himself

because he doesn't hate her

not even a little bit

not even at all

He's still hoping

that someday they will end up together

because his love for her is too strong

he's still holding on.

He told himself she still loves him

and he believed her

so that's what still keeping him okay

he prays that its true.

He was 

He is 

He's still and always will be

in love with her

If someday he realizes 

that her love for him is all gone

He knows he's gonna die again 

But he wishes to live once more.

Love is..

Love is a funny word

wrapped in ribbons and tongues

To me

love doesn't exist

not like it does in movies and songs

love is not some fairytale ending

soaked in true love's kiss

love is much darker than that

love is a word

drenched in lies and deceit

dragged through the dirt

and carefully placed back on its pedestal

love is an ex carving my name into her veins

Love is the girl

that falls asleep each night afraid

he might not be alive when she wakes.

Love is a boy

tortured by words of hate

Love is his world

a girl who doesn't care

how badly he bleeds for her

Love is the scar on my left ribcage

from the anxiety

her empty threats caused me

Love is selfish

Love is beaten

Love is bruised

Love is giving your heart to someone

that has no intention of caring for it

Love is the mental illness

that the boy and girl suffer from

Love is calling in sick to work

because you can't breathe

That's the love that too many of us experience

Raw

Broken

Shattered

A love that most would call abuse

A loveless exchange filled with enough lies to make one fall

the abused falls endlessly

in love with his abuser

He will call it love

But he has forgotten what love is

His thoughts consumed by the abuse

He forgets that not all love

is as dreadful as theirs

He forgets the feeling of real love

like a warm kiss on the cheek

Like opening your favorite book

for the endless time

Love like waking up in someone's arms

Love like its supposed to feel

Love is a mother singing her child a sweet lullaby

Love is Get Well Soon cards and 2 hour phone calls

Love is beautiful

Love is raw

not raw like the fresh skin

Its like the apples

he used to pick with hid family

when he was young

Its raw like his open chest

before the depression hit

before he shut down

Before his heartbeat became a constant remainder of his pain

back when he could wake up in the morning

look up at the sky shining through the window

and believe in his heart

that he was happy.

You're delicate - my love

You are the prettiest

you are the cutest

and if I had to make a new word

it would be beautifullest.

You are the most charming

you are amazing

and why I find you pretty and sweet

I would say that you are my heart's beat.

I see you smile 

and dissolve into laughter

but I know you're still stick in a labyrinth

where you are drowning into pain.

When you smile (cry)

when you laugh (break down)

I want my presence to be with you

and stop the skies from turning into blue.

If you place your heart in my hand

I will keep it safe for me

I will cherish, care, protect, love 

and treat it compassionately.

I imagine that you're like a glass 

a glass that can be easily broken

and I want it on me to last

so that I can guard it even until the end.

You as a girl are delicate

when broken into pieces 

its painful to clean up

you may stick it up but you'll notice

the cracks still remain.

I want to collapse into you

when your heart is bursting

and I want to hold you

when your bones are chilling.

You are beautifully delicate

and I don't want to break you

I just want to handle you with all my care

You're precious and wonderful 

and will always be.

P.S. I Love You

Depression..

The scary thing about depression

that you can look alive

enough on the outside

for no one to question

just how much pain you're actually in

it burns the skin

revealing wounds within

that you've worked so hard to conceal

nothing feels real

There is just this daze

the daily daze

which comes in waves

and leaves the taste of defeat

but atleast defeat means

that you no longer have to try

and its sad but this pain doesn't subside

until you have destroyed

all that you have ever loved of life

But then, 

whats the point?

In the end your heart is dead

and not a soul will even know.

Love kills.

Love 

the most wonderful thing in the world

for the young and beautiful

a cause for pain 

and the misery for the rest of us

But what do you do when you fall?

You didn't know that 

love could be so painful.

You didn't know that 

it belonged only to them

And she is one of them.

And all the love in the world 

couldn't make her feel the same about you

because love belongs to the young and beautiful.

And she's one of them and you're not.

I sit..

I sit in blades

of praying roses

blowing dandelions

coughing up fragile butterflies

I sit in a field

of crazy mushrooms

drenched in frenzy

biting off caterpillar heads

I sit at home

wholeheartedly in love

living contently

drinking coffee

I sit in bed

netted in darkness

living no dream

counting only fly shadows

I sit in dawn

tying singing birds

to fragile wrists

waning fear

I sit in day

watching trees expire

barking silently

in dead leaves unsatisfied crest

I sit in blush

romancing stars

gesturing white light

to strengthen regularity

I sit in poetry

of foggy thickness

reading words

from ones own endearing soul.

Sunshine after rain..

It's not always sorrow and pain

soon there will be gladness and light

after the long gloomy days of rain

the sun shines bright

and your heart rejoices 

at the fields full of grain.

The times of harrow and plough

that rippled through the furrows

those dark days are forgotten

the sun shines above

and you bask in the glow of God's love.

I have died..

I have died.

I have finally surrendered 

Its over

My soul has been rendered.

Now all I see is dark

but there is no pain

its empty and black

depression reigns.

A shell is all that's left

there's only death inside

I've cracked

there is no need to hide.

I feel no fear now

its not like anything could hurt

I'm dead

this you cannot try to avert.

When this shell will crack

they'll say I died of suicide

but that's a pathetic lie

because I've been dead long inside.

Its dark and quiet

it won't go on for much too long

suicide will be fun

doing this at this point is not wrong.

I have given up

I say it with no emotion

this pleasant darkness

dims the previous commotion.

Its completely silent

no more chaos inside

I like this darkness

I have died.

Nevermore...

I can't cry for you

not anymore

I have been separated

from my loved ones

too many times.

My heart has been broken

and ripped too many times.

So much that

my heart has almost become

finely sanded particles of glass.

And as I watch

those whom I love

separate from me once more,

No tears escape my eyes

as my heart cannot be torn,

cannot be torn

as it lays in my chest

as if it is ashes,

and my mind now almost clashes,

clashes with itself ,

trying to maintain its normal functioning.

But the heart is forever

never struck by the mind evermore.

Neither once,

nor twice

nor a million more.

She took his heart away...

Pain was the only thing

that's left with him.

His mind was blank

and heart was gone, stolen.

Left him hanging in the dark

with no one to hold onto.

He was trapped and shackled 

with memories that are absurd.

Promises 

that tied him up in the darkness

making her feel weak

wanting to break free

He was hopeless, 

devastated.

Maybe this was his prize.

He loved her too much

that he forget 

who he is 

and what he wants to be.

He let her destroy him,

leaving himself wounded 

with unbearable pain.

the secret garden

You didn't plant roses in my mind.

You didn't cultivate a garden

of the most exquisite flowers

in the saddest parts of me.

But you planted chrysanthemums there 

less common and striking

but known for their endurance

but you slowly tended 

to all the weeds

pulling them out 

one by one.

and 

you made sure that 

even after you were gone

I'd be able to take care of myself,

with or without you.

Sensation..

When 

I'm at my emptiest

I long to lose

myself 

in physical 

ecstasy

desperate

yearning 

extinguished

through 

flesh on flesh

bestial passion

throats ripped

blood pours

devouring

your entirety

on a wave of

nothingness

I ache 

to feel 

something. 

Tears..

My insides were frozen

my body numb

my heart was broken

and expression glum.

I guess I can thank you for that

after all, you made me this way

it was all because of you

nobody else to blame.

I shed no tears

because you aren't worth them

but as the rain falls to the ground

slides through leaf stems

I realize

the sky is crying for me

the water falling from the fruit tree.

Foolish love.

Who knew I could be such a fool

I fell for you

As you do the things you do

And you hurt me too

But still I wait for you

You say I'm sweet as can be 

But given the chance to have me

You choose to ignore me

you hurt me

and change me

But still I wait for you

And all the good that may come too.

Portrait..

If I ever had a chance to sketch a portrait,

I'd sketch a portrait of you,

your beady grey eyes

so attractive

your jawline

so definite

your smile 

so mesmerizing

your hair

so beautiful

your voice 

so surreal and breathtaking

you are perfection

and the best piece of art

I could ever draw.

She.

She speaks a language

no one else speaks

so she does not speak a word.

Silent is she, preferring to be

understood rather than heard.

She sees the details

no one else sees

so she knows what's yet to come.

But still she tries to act surprised

for its safer to just play dumb.

She feels the feelings 

no one else feels 

so she keeps them all inside.

Though its a pain she just can't explain them

believe me, she has tried.