My melancholy...!!!

Just because I write sad and depressive

please don't think I hate myself

I actually like myself a lot

I just hate to feel depressed

Being depressed is not what I choose to do.

And please don't think I have no friends because I do

And please don't see me as a sad freak

because I'm not.

Please know that sometimes

life in general can overwhelm me

so I isolate myself from the world

The world is corrupted anyway

So I don't really care

I'm not missing anything

And please don't think

it is a bad thing

I'd rather isolate

than to be out in the world

making bad choices

It is my comfort place

Please understand there are reasons

for the way I feel

And please don't tell me to take

medicines or drugs

That's not the cure for me

And please know

I would never hurt myself

And yes

I smile too.

Please don't worry

I'll be okay..

Clear vision..

I didn't believe it this time

I was so scared of the past

that when it was in the palms of my hands

I was too scared thinking again

it wouldn't last

So I pushed away the fear

and in the process you flew

having a more clear vision

I now see things as new.

I didn't quite understand

I didn't believe

but now my mind has changed

we will beat the odds, we will achieve.

Take your time please

but when you  are ready take my hand

I will show you love and acceptance

I will keep you safe when you land.

Tears.

There are those 

who you cry over 

tears stream down

when you know

that those you loved

left or betrayed

and you cry because

you loved them

and because a part of you 

still does

because they were perfect

and because you

still want the old them

they have changed

but you cry for the future

that could have been

But now my eyes are dry 

and it's not because 

I go without pain

You hurt me and fight me

But I don't cry

because you don't deserve

my pain

and you definitely 

don't deserve my 

love.

I am..

I am the illuminated one

the light at the end of this road

I am the inspired one

holding tightly to truths that are whole

I am the strong river flow

unleashing my power n when the wind blows

I am the unstoppable one

the chaotic whirlwind bringing changes unknown

I am the loving one

reminding those who fear to let it all go

I am the understanding one

whispering secrets to those that are closed

that they are the only ones

who can stop these old growths

from swallowing their hearts whole

I am the one

the messenger holding your wishes close

defending our right to grow

I am a soul

a complete part of the whole

I am the ancient warrior of old

reminding our foes

You are the awakening one

As their illusion comes to a close.

Walking..

I've been feeling so alone

And so lost

As if I was trapped in the dark forest of mind

Not knowing which way is out

And which way is into further isolation

And then I walked

And walked 

With music playing in my ears

Alone 

But I wasn't lonely

I was free 

And I wished 

I could just walk forever

Not away from anything

Not to anything

Just walking

Forever.

Never understood..

I never understood

why I would walk around with a mask

called a smile

and pretend to be fine

while I visibly was not

I never understood

why my chest would get so heavy

with emotions

that I could not breathe

or leave my bed for days upon days

I never understood

why my image in the mirror

would be so haunting

that I would cry

when my mom would remind me

it was just a reflection

that was distorted

I never understood

why my physical pain

would be easier to cope with

than the emotional damage

I had endured

I never understood

why the demons in my head

would tell me to do such unthinkable things

to myself on a regular basis

I never understood

why I was never good enough for myself

no matter

what I would change to better myself.

I never understood

why I wouldn't let myself believe

I had a problem

when I so desperately needed help

And

I don't understand

why I was so ashamed of something

that wasn't my fault

but I do understand

it has been a few years

and things get easier.

And

I understand

that without everything I felt,

I wouldn't be

who I am today.

I Love You...!!!

You're the one that makes me feel whole.

The one who sheds light on my tired soul.

Push your lips to mine.

Hold me and tell me 

everything will be fine

Tell me, our dreams will come true

Tell me, I can't live without you.

Tell me I'm the core of your heart

like you are for mine.

Say, I Love You.

And plant flowers in my mind.

My mind was destroyed 

by the pain of the past

shrouded in darkness

broken needing a cast.

Say, I Love You 

and erase the darkness

Say, I Love You 

and leave your love's mark.

Plant flowers in the wickedest parts of my soul

where darkness continues 

to take its toll.

Say, I Love You 

and leave your love's mark.

Claim my heart as yours

and say it does not belong to the dark.

In New Year breeze...!!!

Embrace me in new year breeze

Leave footprints on seashore

Let's chase the shadows of happiness

walking hand in hand.

Embrace me with warmth of an abundant life

Let's recall all the memories

Kiss me

Leave a burst of chilled breeze

upon my cheeks.

Hold me tightly

Let's laugh loudly this new year

which we never had before

And the sound of this laugh

Make all darkness of our relation away.

Embrace me in a new year breeze

And sing aloud, 

which breaks all the sound of rolling sea waves

Hold my hand 

and make all bitterness away..

P.S. I LOVE YOU