My Delightful pain..

I know someone,

who lives across the ocean,

whose beautiful face

In my memory slowly fades.

But after I hear her voice,

You might say this is hopeless,

It gives me no other choice,

All night to remain sleepless.

Hey, don't go back to the blue

My delightful pain.

Coz I can't stop loving you,

Again and again..

My soul has a color..

My heart can be compared to the northern lights

It is reflected in my dark brown eyes

That flash colors 

that no one can explain.

Blue is the base of all the other colors

all colors fade and melt into the blueness of my soul

My red passion mixed with my blue depression

turns into a lustful purple.

My heart's deep blue depths sparkle with life

flashing strands of neon green

rise from the depths to the surface and pool there.

Embers the colors of vibrant oranges, violent reds and golden yellow

burn in the deep blues

making my soul look angry and aggressive

though when the brave reach out to touch

they are not burned with the heat of fire

but by the fierce pain of pure ice.

I watch as if in a dream as my soul changes shape and color

Sometimes it's icy beauty takes my breath away

And causes tears to fill my dark flashing eyes.

My soul has the seasons like Earth

Winter,  Spring, Summer and Fall

Each season brings its own colors and feelings.

It is an endless color wheel that is alive and fills the room with its life

But sometimes there is no color.

and my soul goes black

and it takes love to bring the color back..

Loneliness..

Its not so bad

during the day

when the sun warms my skin

and the breeze cools my nerves

when my thoughts are preoccupied

with trivial tasks

Then day turns to night

and the sun lies down to sleep

the moon peaks through my blinds

its stark silver light casting ominous shadows

I wonder,

when I'll see you again.

They say that secrets seek refuge in darkness

But I find my innermost fears all the more illuminated..

Faked love..

I gave you all I ever was

but it was I who couldn't see

relationships are meant for those

who bloom petals of love.

How could I be so foolish

to mistake these lacerations

on my feeble fingers

a constant reminder of the lights

that saw both the moon and sun

as dazzling leaves bleeding visions of euphoria.

It was I who mistook her grin

for the sunshine my soul lacked

where my ignorance sang of love

her serrated tongue whispered of clouds

and rainy days

my garden of thoughts

wilting with every word

that took my spirit away.

On the outside..

On the outside you'll see me laughing

a quick glance you'll see a smile

it appears that all is well

but it only last a short while

You can't hear the voices I do,

that say give up, you're gonna fail

each day brings a new battle

one that seems so hard to prevail.

the dark of night doesn't bring me peace

with the haunting dreams that I see

some reminding me the pain of past

others the happiness I wish could be.

The pain leaves no visible scars

hiding away inside the heart and the mind

each day it becomes more difficult to bare

looking for happiness I'm unable to find.

On the outside you'll see me laughing

A quick glance you'll see a smile

it appears that all is well

But it'll only last a short while.

It kills me..

It kills me when we don't talk

it kills when you ignore me

it kills when you're busy with your life

It kills me.

It kills when you don't understand

it kills when you put me in pain

it kills when you don't care

It kills me.

It kills when you walk away

it kills when you forget about us

it kills when you push me aside

It kills me.

It kills when you don't listen

it kills when you're not here

it kills when you smile at him

It kills me.

Someday..

Someday you'll know,

the strangest feelings

of your heart

sum up

your love for me.

You'll pronounce my name finally,

with love and faith.

You'll search for me,

with a hand full of flowers.

When you'll reach,

I'll be lying in my graveyard.

Maybe still waiting for you

or maybe I'll be carefree already.